Saturday, August 27, 2011

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict (Post #2)



Nobody likes to face any interpersonal conflicts, especially if the conflict is between friends. I am someone who would try to bury the hatchet and not hold grudges should such a situation occur. I consider myself a fairly introvert person, but I am not afraid to speak up if necessary. 



This particular conflict involved myself and a fellow athlete during competition.

(For clarity, my team shall be named Team A, and our rival team named Team B)

One interpersonal conflict that I can recall happened about two years ago. As mentioned in my previous post, I compete regularly as a track and field sprinter. At a particular local athletics meet, I participated in the 4x100m relay.

Since the track and field fraternity in Singapore is fairly small, most of us know one another personally. As such, we were rivals on the track, friends off it. That said, respect and humility for each other is still a very important part in any sport and of course, in life too. One particular athlete crossed that line during this race- "Harry", the anchor runner for Team B, was a respected athlete by me and I considered him a good friend. However, this incident changed all that.

The race was exciting and exhilarating from the start till the end as both top teams were matched stride for stride. Both Team A and Team B passed off the baton to their respective anchor runners almost simultaneously. However, knowing that Team A's runner is much slower, Team B's anchor runner, Harry, was confident enough to run almost the entire race while turning his head to "look" at Team A's anchor runner. He completed this un-sportsmanship behaviour with hand gestures close to the finish line- as if to imply that he is unbeatable. 

Perhaps it was adrenaline and excitement that got the better of Harry. It is one thing to celebrate because you or your team is winning, but a complete different aspect when your actions are directed to the losing team.

Harry has always been known to be an arrogant and proud person. But every action has a limit.
I was not the only one who noticed or condemned Harry's inappropriate behaviour. With video replays shown around the stadium, I had a clear look of the events that unfolded. To say the least, I was disgusted with Harry's behaviour. Hence, when asked during a media interview after the race, I commented that "I felt his actions were unprofessional and a disgrace to athletics." Needless to say, relations between myself and Harry deteriorated, and we never saw eye to eye for the next few months.
  
However, as fate would have it, both Harry and I were drawn into the same relay team for a combined Universities Team. As I was appointed Captain of the team, it only made sense for me to try to mend this relationship not only for us, but for the sake of the team too.

Firstly, I dropped him an email apologizing for my comments, but at the same time, pointing out that his actions were uncalled for. I was sincere in my apology, but an email would not solve everything. Thus, I took the opportunity to speak to Harry personally when I saw him. 


Presently, things are not rosy between Harry and I- but I make it a point to start small talks with him when I see him. The ball is in his court.

How many times have we held grudges against someone who may have wronged you?
If we just “let it go” and try to mend strained relationships, perhaps the world would be a better place.

6 comments:

  1. You were aware of the cause of what made you disgusted about Harry. His behavior during the run, his personality and character were not agreeing with you. It may be all these gushing up to your mind after the run that caused you to made such a callous (yet true) comment. I said that it was callous because it was said in a media interview.
    I guess after awhile, you managed to cool down and thought about the comment you made which is why you have ultimately decided to apologize. I thought this is remarkable. Not many people can bring their guts up to say the word “sorry” and to continue making small talks with that person you had conflict with.
    To me, you are definitely the “bigger” man than Harry (who didn’t apologize about his behavior or maybe he needs more time for self realization).

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  2. From what we have learnt, we can see that Harry was lacking in self regulation(he let his euphoria get the better of him, and that in turn came to be viewed as arrogance) and empathy (he did not think of how the other racers were feeling). As a result, it drew a response and eventually escalated into a tense situation.

    Lance, hats off to you for trying to diffuse the situation and be the first person to extend an olive branch.

    One small thing i noted was the 12 paragraphs, which at first glance may intimidate a reader. Not too sure about the word count, but i think the story would not be complete if you had given us a watered down version, so i feel that is justified.(since completeness is one of the 7Cs, and who would want to hear half a story anyway)

    Just some tiny grammatical feedback:
    Paragraph 5, You seem to be using "as such" as a replacement for therefore. Its a common mistake, but only grammar Nazi's will really glare at it.

    Paragraph 7,complete different aspect,i think most people would use "completely different aspect".

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  3. Hey Lance, i was wondering how the running fraternity and especially yourself yourself felt about Usain Bolt's 100m race at the Beijing Olympics. If i remember correctly, he behaved in a similar way?(well the only difference being he really IS unbeatable)

    Could Harry be trying to pull of a "bolt-esque" finish?

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  4. Thanks Klara and Eric for your comments! Honestly I think I'm more of an unconfrontational person and if possible I will defuse the bomb as quickly as I can, but that said, I think I am more an extrovert than an introvert, and if I have to speak up, I will. But of course, as mentioned by Brad in class, it is good to take a step back and to let more rational thoughts and feelings take over first, before deciding on any course of action, or inaction.

    Thanks Eric for pointing out the 12 paragraphs! Perhaps I could have arranged some of the points better and link them more cohesively.

    The difference between Usain Bolt's action and Harry's is that in the former, he is not implicitedly directing his "show-boating" to his competitors. Furthermore, Bolt was competiting aganist a world class field, the best in the world; hence to be able to do what he did was perhaps deserving. (Don't forget it was still then a world record) Bolt did not lose the respect of his competitiors- he had earned it. Harry, on the other hand, was up against a runner of lower standard than himself.

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  5. Thanks for sharing your experience in this open, honest post, Lance. You go into fine detail to set the stage for the conflict. You also describe that "problem" well, and the fact that when you and Harry had to work together there were some "fences that needed mending." The only problem here, per the assignment, is that you have given the solution rather than allowed the reader to conjure up one for you. In that sense, you preempted the reader's interaction. Actually, you have received good feedback, and I appreciate the way you differentiate to the commentators between Harry's behavior and that of champion Bolt. Still, a step not taken would have made this an even finer post.

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  6. Hey Lance, you did something I would have done exactly the same in this situation. Not that I'm proud to have my anger and frustration get the better of me. It's just that it takes a lot more than being rational to be able to hold back such disgust at an athlete who showed no respect to the other sportsmen. It was impressive that you could apologise to him when you realised you guys were actually on the same relay team. However, could you have done the same if you didn't have to cross each other's paths at all after the event?

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